Wednesday
June 26, 2002
11:40 p.m.

I just put Kyle to bed. He got upset tonight because I took away his “moon video”. I couldn’t help it; the video has become such an obsession lately. He just sits there and stares at that stupid moon and the stars and asks us to rewind it over and over again. He has no interest in the other parts of the video, just the parts where the moon and stars are visible. He just sits there, staring and saying the words “moon” and “stars” over and over again. His staff from the autism agency have had problems with this for the past couple of days, too. This evening, Kyle pulled Amy’s hair because she told him “no more moon video”. It took her about a half an hour to get compliance out of Kyle. I was upstairs and heard the whole thing. She used simple imitation commands to work up the momentum she needed to get Kyle to listen to her and do what she wanted. I thought there for a second that I was going to have to intervene. Good thing Amy is a veteran worker and she knows DTT like the back of her hand, otherwise, I would have had to intervene. Tonight after she left, Kyle tried to hit me up for the video. Sometimes I don’t think we give him credit for how insidious he can really be! I told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that we could watch the “moon video” only one time tomorrow. That’s when it hit the fan. He began his little pre-behavior vocalizations and then off came his glasses. I got them from him before he could throw them at me. He reached out and tried to hit me. I just stood back away from him and started to give him imitation commands. It took me almost one hour to get him to comply and go upstairs for bed. I get so sick of this sometimes. I can’t just love and hug my child like other parents do. I can’t just send Kyle to his room when he does something that I don’t like. Sometimes I question God. I question His motives and the way He does things. I look at Keri across the street with her beautiful, healthy, and NORMAL son, Ben. The envy I feel is enough to drive me insane, but then I think about the times that Kyle asks for a hug and I realize that I’m lucky, because most parents of autistic children don’t even get that. I see Kyle’s progress in terms of behavior and learning and I see how far we’ve really come. What’s strange to me is even though I have read every single thing about autism that I can get my hands on, I still just don’t get Kyle’s behaviors. I can’t figure it out. Why does he get so fixated on the moon in that video? It’s not even a real moon, it’s a cartoon and he doesn’t do this when he sees the moon at night. All I know is that we are going to have to limit his viewing of it. Knowing Kyle, he may not even mention it tomorrow. He’s got so many obsessions that this one will probably be replaced tomorrow. Then we’ll have to deal with that one. That’s just the thing. This never ends. If it’s not videos, it’s spinning eating utensils or writing utensils or just whatever he can get his hands on. And lights, everything about lights becomes an obsession; he stares at them and tries to touch the hanging lights in the dining room. I’m so sick of having to watch his every move in the dining room because I’m afraid he’s going to touch them and be rough with them like he is with everything else. I guess I should be used to it by now, but sometimes it just drives me crazy!
Lately, Kyle’s stimming has been less and less because his staff from the agency has been trying to keep him engaged in drills and structured play. Oh…Heather and I talked today about Kyle’s behaviors in therapy. Although she said Kyle hasn’t had any major behaviors in therapy lately, he has been saying her name in a loud, high-pitched voice over and over again. She has told me that during these times she has looked away from Kyle and ignored him, and then he usually stops. When he doesn’t stop, she has been turning out the lights, which is really aversive for Kyle. Afterwards, Heather said that Kyle will begin vocalizing in a high-pitched almost screaming voice. She told me that she did something interesting to get him to stop doing this. She said that instead of going into the simple commands, she just looked at him and said “Kyle c’mon. That’s really silly. Only gentlemen with nice voices get the lights turned back on.” She said that this worked really well and that Kyle seemed to understand. I was amazed that she got him to comply in that way. I think I am going to try that approach here at home when Kyle begins vocalizing when he becomes upset. It also made me think that maybe I haven’t been giving Kyle credit. I’ve been so enraptured by the whole DTT program for almost six months now and not once since I began it have I just talked to my child normally. I’m always saying very textbook kinds of things to him just to ensure my control over the situation. Does this make me a bad mother? What have I been doing? This has really made me think. Sure DTT is great for teaching Kyle new skills and it's good for his behaviors, but is it really helping me to develop a natural and genuine relationship with him? I feel as though when I talk to Kyle, my own son, that I have been given this recipe on what to say and how to say it by people who don’t know me or my son. Maybe I should listen to Jim. He thinks that DTT is a good way to build a relationship with Kyle because we are interacting with him and we are both participating in this together with Kyle (MO-Feat, 2001). Kyle needs structure and behavior management, and DTT really works well for him. I only hope that what Jim said is true. Until next time…

Mary

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